Understanding Anxiety: When Coping Strategies Becomes Problematic
People don’t always recognize anxiety when it shows up. I often hear things like, “I’m just overwhelmed right now,” or “I hate confrontation, so I’d rather avoid it.” These responses can be normative. However, if it becomes a part of a chronic experience that interferes with daily living, they can be signs of more serious anxiety symptoms hiding in everyday habits and choices. It doesn’t always look like panic or worry. Sometimes, it shows up as busyness, avoidance, or the need to keep everything under control.
Two of the most common ways high levels of anxiety can manifest are through avoidance and a high need for control. These are understandable responses. They often work in the short term—but over time, they can keep us stuck.
Avoidance: The Silent Reinforcer
Avoidance often feels like relief. We dodge the social event, the hard conversation, or the challenging project. It’s a quick way to reduce discomfort. But each time we avoid something because of anxiety, we reinforce the idea that we can’t handle it.
For example, someone might turn down a job opportunity that involves public speaking because it feels too stressful. In the moment, it feels like self-protection—but in the long run, it can chip away at confidence and limit growth.
The Illusion of Control
Another common coping strategy is trying to control everything. This can look like overplanning, perfectionism, rigid routines, or micromanaging. On the surface, it may seem like being “on top of things.” But underneath is often a deep fear of uncertainty or failure.
The problem is, life is unpredictable. When our sense of calm depends on controlling every detail, we live in a constant state of tension—and exhaustion. Relationships can also suffer when our need for control starts to impact others.
Building Healthier Coping Tools
You don’t need to eliminate anxiety. Instead, you can learn to respond to it differently—with more flexibility and less fear. That starts by noticing your patterns and making small, intentional changes.
Be curious, not critical. Ask yourself: “Am I avoiding this because it’s truly not right—or because it makes me anxious?”
Take small risks. Gradual exposure to uncomfortable situations helps build confidence and lowers anxiety over time.
Loosen your grip. Practice letting go of things you don’t need to control. Let a plan be imperfect. Say no to over-scheduling.
Reach out. Therapy can help you explore the roots of your anxiety and find healthier ways to cope.
Anxiety doesn’t have to dictate your life. When you start meeting it with awareness and small, courageous steps forward, you begin to build confidence, acceptance, flexibility, and the freedom to live more fully.
Many effective therapies—like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)—use specific strategies to help. CBT often includes exposure techniques, where you gradually face feared situations to reduce anxiety over time. DBT teaches distress tolerance skills, which help you manage uncomfortable emotions without needing to avoid or control everything. These tools, along with supportive therapy, can help you break free from persistent anxiety’s grip and build healthier ways of coping.